dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
