apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize