yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
