We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
