if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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