Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
