I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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