so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
