Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
