I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
