honey bunches of taint.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
