Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
