It's like God shit irony all over that family
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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