Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
