either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
