It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
