i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
