so that wasnt chicken after all
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
