Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
