The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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