this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
