I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize