so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
