he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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