so explain again why im purple
no
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
