i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize