he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm having to shit out rocks
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
