i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
