It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize