this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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