Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
