Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
