To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
