so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
