if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
