I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
