I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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