how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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