Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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