My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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