at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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