I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
