Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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