Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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