you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
