No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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