i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
