we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
