last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
