Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize