tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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