i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
