FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
