oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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