K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
