you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
