my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
