you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
