Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
