i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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