I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
