New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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