Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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