You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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