Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
