I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
