If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize
