would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
