You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
