I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
