Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
