I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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