Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
